The Day Solid Snake Played Counter-Strike
by Bad Ronald
Summary: Otacon begs Snake to play Counter-Strike, so Snake does... Pretty lame description, but I have nothing spiffy to put here... just read and review, please. PG-13 for upcoming pixelized violence.
1. Men And Their Games...

**The Day Solid Snake Played   
Counter-Strike  
By Bad Ronald  
  
**"Okay, now click Play CS, over here."  
"Mm-hmm."  
"Now, if you want to change your name and your logo, click here."  
"Mm-hmm...Otacon?"  
"Yeah?"  
"What's Eva Unit-00?"  
"Never mind that. Just type over it."  
"All right."  
"Solid Snake. Very original."  
"Otacon?"  
"Yeah, Snake?"  
"I think this is really dumb."  
"Oh, come on, Snake, have a little fun once in a while!"  
"Smoking cigs and drinking JDs are fun, but you don't want me to do them."  
"That's because it's hazarous to your health. Playing Counter-Strike is not."  
"I read in a newspaper once that Counter-Strike influnced three--"  
"All right, fine, if you don't want to play--"  
"Wait, okay, I'll play. Happy?"  
"Yeah. Okay, now you should change your logo."  
"......... Done."  
"A snake. Once again, very ori--"  
"Otacon."  
"Uhh, err, sorry. Now click done, and go on to LAN games."  
"All right."  
"..........."  
"..........."  
"Done."  
"Now click this one."  
".........."  
"Okay, just wait, it'll take a while."  
"Mm-hmm...."  


  
**_Chapter One: Men and their games..._**  
That's how it all started. Otacon was begging me to play this stupid game, and I agreed, just to humor him. It was kind of basic, Otacon taught me the commands, "F1" for menu, "F2" for buying additional primary ammo, "Y" for chat messages, that kind of stuff. After I had it all down on memory, he booted it up and let me play. Now, let me tell you, my anticipation for playing this game was extremely low. I chose to be a Counter-Terrorist, Team SAS, ready run up to nearest terrorist and die so I could just stop playing this damn thing. I glanced at the number roster.   


**Counter-Terrorists:  
** McClane   
Mr. Floppy   
LITLEIDIOT  
Solid Snake  
The Big PoPo   
**Terrorists:**  
Mister X   
The Big Loserbowski  
YAMASHITA  
Hank Evans  
Dead   


Five Counter-Terrorists and five Terrorists, an even match.  
I looked at Otacon, who was behind me, watching in anticipation. I shrugged mentally, getting back to the computer.   
Might as well give him a show.   
I looked at the screen, which showed me a black gloved hand in front of me clutching a USP. I held down "W", for forward. I paused, realizing that I should have pressed "F1" for a better choice of weapon and ammo.   
Oh well.  
I pressed the right button on the mouse, seeing another hand come up on screen holding a metal tube and twisting it on top of the USP.   
Oh, I get it.  
Silencer.  
I then held down "W", walking forward, while tracing my computer mouse left and right, looking around while walking. I then pressed down on the mouse's left button, and saw shots fire off from the USP, the action on the USP slamming back, bullet cylinders popping out like popcorn.  
"Cheap VR.", I muttered.*  
I walked forward, looking around, scanning my surroundings. That is what a trained soldier must do, scan the surroundings of the enemy.  
It seemed that I was in the ruins of a town. Everything was painted in a garish orange color, probably the remnants of a mexican town.  
I walked straight into an opening into a wall, looking like an opening into a cave. There, I could see several metal crates and boxes, probably put there to hide in.  
I kept walking, then stopped. There was a path straight ahead, and another in my left. The boxes were hiding my view of the left one. I decided to go see what was on the left path, when the speakers of the computer blared out, "Fire in the hole!"  
At the same time, a message popped out on the screen, "*Enemy* YAMASHITA *Radio*: Fire in the hole!"  
What the hell was that supposed to mean?  
So the enemy was in the left path? Well, then--  
Suddenly, before I could turn there and shoot, the computer speakers gave a huge blast, and the whole screen went white.  
The hell?  
I walked forward, shooting blindly.  
**_Pow!_**  
The blurred image shook, a blood splatter in the middle. Then the screen went black.  
Does that mean--  
"You're dead, Snake.", Otacon commented behind me.  
A rage welled up inside me, telling me to take out that person called YAMASHITA, the very person who blinded me and had me killed somehow. A cheat code, perhaps?  
As if Otacon could read my mind, he said, "It was a flash grenade that he used. You know, like those Stun grenades on your last mission? They use flash to blind the enemy temporarily, then shoot the enemy when he comes out blind. Instead of going forward, Snake, you should backtrack."  
The black screen suddenly turned in color, and I saw the mexican town. I went forward.   
The hell?  
The words, "Free-All mode" was on the screen, and I seemed to be going through walls.  
"That, well, that's like dead mode. You're a ghost.", Otacon said.  
Oh.  
So I'm dead. Big surprise.  
"Otacon, how do I get back?", I asked.  
"You can't. One group needs to win for the game to start over."  
I grunted in response, then searched around in dead mode. I saw three terrorists going forward into a place where the stone-peppered path trailed down, under a bridge, it seemed. I went through the terrorists, and under the bridge, I saw large metal crates. Two of the remaining Counter-Terrorists were hiding behind them, a GSG-9 and a SAS, both aiming forward, lest a terrorist come through they could easily pick them off.  
*Enemy* Hank Evans *Radio*: Fire in the hole!  
I saw the two remaining CTs react by backtracking, just before a huge white blast blinded them. They got gunned down by the terrorists, each going down in a spray of blood.  
"Terrorists win!", the computer speakers taunted, along with the TERRORISTS WIN! words emblazoned on the screen.  
I gritted my teeth. The terrorists won't win again. Not if I have anything to say about it.  
  
  
Before I knew it, I was back in the game. I looked down at the keyboard, pressing "F1". The menu popped up, and making sure I had a sufficient cash, I went ahead and bought a H&K MP5-Navy.  
Then I started playing.  
**_Mr. Floppy joins the Terrorists team._** The computer bluntly displayed the message of betrayal.  
No!  
I looked at the roster. Wasn't Mr. Floppy part of the CTs?  


**Counter-Terrorists: **  
McClane  
LITLEIDIOT  
Solid Snake  
PoPo   
**Terrorists:**  
Mister X  
The Big Loserbowski  
YAMASHITA  
Hank Evans  
Dead   
Mr. Floppy   


He used to be, and now Mr. Floppy had betrayed the CTs. Four CTs and six Terrorists... This wasn't looking good.  
I started walking, getting transfixed into the game, though I never forgot my burning desire to pay back YAMASHITA for blinding me and getting me killed at the start.  
Like Naomi said, "Men and their games."  
  
  
  
*"Cheap VR.", I muttered - The original line is in "Anya's Dream Date?" by Ari. I put it in to make her happy and show how much I like her story, and I got the story idea of Snake playing CS because of her story. How's that for cookies, Ari?  
.............  
Ok, you got me. I'm just sucking up so I can be put in her story, LoL.  
  
Please read and tell me what you think, what I should have done, any minor mistakes, stuff like that. You can even flame me...  



	2. You suck...

**_Chapter Two: You suck...  
YAMASHITA: Solid Snake, you suck at CS…_**  
I'll never forget that message. The message that made me roar in fury and wish YAMASHITA was here right now for me to tear apart.  
Just for kicks, I thought of Otacon's blasted parrot as YAMASHITA, and almost tore into it when Otacon stopped me.  
Dammit, I don't suck. I'm new at the game.  
Seriously, I don't suck.  
**_Dead: Solid, you must be a newbie, you really DO suck at Counter-Strike._**  
That's it. I'm asking Otacon for cheat codes.  
  
  
"C'mon, Snake. You're a die-hard mercenary who is a clone from Big Boss and single-handedly took down four Metal Gears on four previous missions and you need cheat codes for a computer game? Snake, you should be a pro already!", Otacon said, surprised that Snake even asked.  
"I know, but I'm not! So gimme!", I begged, wanting the cheat codes. I needed the codes. I NEEDED them! I couldn't show up YAMASHITA without them.  
"There are no cheats, Snake. You have to play the game on your own.", Otacon explained, as if I were a child, pushing his glasses up his nose for fifteenth time that day.  
Fine, then.   
But I'll show them. I'll show them all.  
No one says I suck and gets away with it.  
  
  
"You suck!"  
I shot an angry glare at Otacon's parrot, wishing Otacon wasn't next to it typing on a laptop and eating muffins, so I could grab it and rip it up and various stuff like that. It would be a wonderful stress reliever, let me tell you that.  
I looked at the game once more, getting transfixed the way a deer gets transfixed to the blinding headlights from a truck just before it sees the metal of the grill and realizes it's the end of the line for it.  
Or whatever.  
I rested my hands on the keyboard, stretching my fingers, feeling that familiar, cold, steely feel every time I play this game. I chuckled nervously.  
This game was more addictive than my cigs…  
I took hold of the computer mouse, leading down to the yellow words "Play CS". With just one click, I was back in the game.  
I clicked "LAN games", then clicked a community I could play in. As usual, I clicked on the first one, and chose to be a counter-terrorists the second it finished loading.  
**_YAMASHITA: Oh, Sucky Snake's back.  
The Big Loserbowski: Joo sux0rz! Git ready to DIE! LoL._**  
My left eyebrow twitched and I gritted my teeth, resisting the urge to ask Otacon to try to track these people down. I took out a cigarette pack and popped one out, sticking it in my mouth and lighting it. I took a deep drag, and was instantly in the mood for some serious ass whipping. Or something like that.  
The screen changed, but I was not in the familiar Mexican ruins that I came to know. Instead, I was…  
Staring in the back of… a surveillance van? Interesting. I backtracked, the same hand clutching the USP. For some reason, I left the silencer off. I looked around and saw my four teammates fanning out. The number roster was the same, four CTs against six terrorists.  
Feh. No big deal.  
I left the van behind me and turned, seeing a big warehouse, set on my right. I headed towards it, and decided to go around the front. When I turned, I saw four huge crates, two seated next to the warehouse, just around the entrance, and two on the back of the wall facing the warehouse. Probably there to serve as cover in a firefight.  
I noticed that the two crates seated next to the warehouse had a ladder running up it, but I ignored it, deciding to go around the front instead.   
**_Bam! Bam!_**  
Damn!  
I backtracked a little, seeing a terrorist peeking out from one of the crates. I brought up the USP, lined up my sight, and...  
**_Bam!_**  
The terrorist fell, his head replaced with a crimson geyser.  
The hell? Every time I played, it was extremely hard to shoot a terrorist. Accuracy probably got better when I stood still. Yeah, that's it.   
**_Dead: hey! can you believe that? snake got a frag_**!  
I grinned. Finally. I finally killed someone... in Counter-Strike, of course.   
**_YAMASHITA: He won't get another..._**  
What was that supposed to mean?  
My brow furrowed as I thought over that, pausing for a second.  
**_Phew! Blam!_**  
Hey!  
The image on the screen shook, and became dark, a blood splotch on the middle. Dead. Again. That was not fair.   
How did he kill me, anyway?  
I searched hastily in dead mode, then saw YAMASHITA crouching on top of the warehouse, a sniper rifle cradled in his arms.  
**_YAMASHITA: Told you so..._**  
I gritted my teeth. You know, I'm really starting to hate that guy...  
  
I sucked in a deep breath, my Lucky Strikers cig hanging out of my mouth. I gazed fondly at the full Jack Daniels whiskey bottle seated next to the mouse, ready to open and drink.   
Hmm?  
The familiar sight of the black gloved hand clutching the USP greeted me, along with a familiar background... the back of the surveillance van. I watched as my teammates all spread out, each going their own way.   
This time, I had enough money, so I discarded the USP and brought up a SSG552 Commando, briefly noticing how slow it took to be brought up.  
**_LITLEIDIOT joins the terrorist team._**  
No!  
**_PoPo joins the terrorist team._**  
Why? What the hell was happening?!  
I looked at the screen frantically, calling up the roster.  


**Counter-Terrorists: **  
McClane  
Solid Snake  
  
**Terrorists:**  
Mister X  
The Big Loserbowski  
YAMASHITA  
Hank Evans  
Dead   
Mr. Floppy   
LITLEIDIOT  
PoPo  


  
What the hell was this?! Two counter-terrorists against EIGHT terrorists?! This wasn't fair!  
  
**_"Terrorists Win!", _**the computer speakers gloated an hour later.   
I wiped the sweat off my gleaming forehead with one hand while I clutched the almost-empty Jack Daniels bottle with the other. I then took a deep breathful of acrid, but somehow sweet tasting, smoke, the amber end of the cig glowing in response. Then I took it out and stomped on it, smothering it to oblivion. After that, I filled my empty mouth with the JD bottle, gulping down the whiskey and emptying the bottle.  
I threw the bottle to the floor, forgetting it immediately, focusing my full attention to the computer screen.  
I was back in the game.  
**_The Big Loserbowski logged out.  
_**......  
**_Mr. Floppy logged out.  
_**......  
**_Mr. X changed name to Vulcan Raven.  
_**......  
**_Hank Evans changed name to Revolver Ocelot.  
_**.....?  
**_PoPo changed name to Decoy Octopus.  
_**.....**!  
_LITLEIDIOT changed name to Psycho Mantis.  
_**What the hell?!  
**_Dead changed name to Sniper Wolf.  
_**They were becoming Fox-Hound?!  
**_YAMASHITA changed name to Liquid Snake.  
_**All of them?!  
  
  
........  
Yeah, I know, cheap gimmick. But! I thought it would be pretty nifty and kinda MGS-like to put in a cheap twist, i.e. Terrorists becoming Fox-Hound. Don't worry, it won't dwelve too deeply into it! The fights will be similar, though...  
Hey, this is supposed to be a comedy, huh? It doesn't really have to make sense... although I do want to make a fanfic that does...  
If you think the Fox-Hound twist was too lame, I'll take it out... but only if you think so... :\  
Rest assured that the story will NOT revert to slap-stick comedy, it will solely rely on Snake's sarcasm, confusion, surprise, drinking, smoking, and other things including a computer... also, Otacon will be in it.  
.........  



End file.
